90,000 Miles to Me
tree stump rings

Why I Didn’t Start This Blog A Year Ago

It has been one year almost to the day since I bought a Ford Transit cargo van, and just over six months of living in it full time, and this blog is going live only now. Here’s why.

I could go on about superficial reasons and justifications, like wanting to reduce screen time and not wanting the pressures of posting regularly or writing what I imagine you want to hear. While those are true, they are skirting the real issue. So let’s skip to what this is really about.

As I wrote in the Manifesto, moving into a van to travel the country is, for me, about the inner journey of figuring out who I am apart from the roles I have been forced to endure for over three decades. The stress of trying to conform but being utterly unable to because of my autism has created major health issues that I will be dealing with for a while.

This journey is, in large part, meant as a somewhat unusual method of helping me recover. And while there are very real physical symptoms, they are psychosomatic, which doesn’t mean that they are imaginary but that the cure is not to be had in a pill but rather in dealing with the emotional and psychological issues that created them.

I could take a pill for this and a pill for that, but I am not interested in masking symptoms. I am choosing the much more difficult, longer-term treatment plan that will pay huge dividends if I can swallow the medicine and stick with the whole series. This is the hard work of really getting to the root of my problems. To heal my heart and mind.

To do that, I need to be present in the moment and be able to be aware of what I am feeling, to have the space to experience deeply and not be thinking about each experience in terms of how it would make a great blog post.

At this point however, I’m feeling like I want to share, that it would even be helpful for me to share. I’ve processed some things, at least a little, and while there is still a long way to go, I feel like I need to express myself through writing at this stage of progress to help me crystallize my thoughts and move on to even deeper issues, or the same issues at deeper levels.

And since people keep asking me to start a blog to follow my journey, it seems like a reasonable format to try.

A few intentions to start with:

  1. I don’t intend to give a blow by blow account of what I am doing every day, and you probably don’t want to read that, either. So posts will be sporadic and happen when I have something worth saying, and I hope, worth reading. Such as:
  2. I hope to share what I am learning and let you feel a little like you are on my journey with me. With the caveat that:
  3. This is only a record of my own experiences. My journey will necessarily be different from everyone else’s journey, and what I take away from each experience may be different from what you might. Similarly:
  4. My experiences with van dwelling, traveling, autism, in my spiritual journey, as an Orthodox Christian, a woman, an American, etc. will not be the same as anyone else’s. I do not claim to speak on behalf of any group. That being said:
  5. You might pick up on the fact that I am strongly opinionated. 😉 But not in the sense that I will not listen to other opinions. In fact, most of my current opinions and beliefs have changed radically at some point in my life, specifically because I listened and learned for long enough that I saw more wisdom in another way. I sincerely hope that I am not at the end of that journey–if a relatively sheltered thirty-something from the most privileged country on Earth is the pinnacle of wisdom, we’re in trouble. So feel free to comment and disagree with me. Or support me. Encouragement is always nice to read, of course.

There you go. The hows and whys of starting Martha’s 90,000 Miles to Me. Join me on the journey if you like, I’ll be happy for the company.

Oh, before you go, just a quick logistical note. Since I’m only starting the blog now, but I started this journey a year ago, and since I kept a journal of what happened, I’ll be adding those “backdated posts” over the next couple weeks. You’ll see them all here, listed in order so you can follow my progression from the beginning.

And if you want to take home some of the fruits of my meditative-creative time, you can check out the Goodies page. I’m enjoying making art just for the sake of the art, and don’t want to keep it all. If something speaks to you, you can buy it from my Etsy shop. This also helps to support my journey.

That’s all for now. I hope to see you on the road!